Your best car related joke/prank. | Ford Escort Owners Association (FEOA)
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Your best car related joke/prank.

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by zx24me, Jun 11, 2007.

  1. zx24me

    zx24me Guest

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    Just like it says.
    This was like 3 months after I got the ZX2.

    One night like 3 weeks before Christmas I was driving home from work at
    like 11PM. A deer wandered out in front of me on a main street and I
    stopped and watched as Bambi and 5 members of his/her family just
    took turns strolling across. It got my mind going. (Uh-Oh!!!)
    So I park in front of our house and I walk in the front door and
    say "Call the cops!!!"
    She's waiting up for me and says "What happened?"
    "I was comming home on Broadway and saw a flash of red then
    BAM!! a deer hit the front fender! Knocked the parking light clean off!!"
    She's like 'Oh dear! He LOVES that car!' She gets up and starts toward the door.
    "And then another one hit right on the front tire, BAM! and they just kept
    piling in. About 8 of them hit the car. The door, the driver's window,
    the quarter panel are all wrecked!"
    She's off the porch and looking at the car, figuring all the damage is
    on the driver's side. She's walking fast and almost to the car.
    "But I think the real damage happened when that fat f88ker in the
    sled with the red suit hit the rear fender!"

    She did a stutter step, stopped in her tracks then turned and CHARGED!

    I made it thru the house but the back door was locked. I forgot she
    was a medalist in track in High School!
    Good thing she was laughing too hard to hurt me by the time she caught me.
  2. wicked1706

    wicked1706 New Member

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    wichita, kansas
    haha thats freakin hilarious.

    theres a guy in upper management where i work that thinks he knows everything... and is quite the average dumb ass.... but anyways one day we tied just a little bit of bailng wire to his drive shaft. he couldnt figure out why it was clicking. lol. we was gonna tell him what it was the next day but he took the day off early and took it to a shop. lol oh well. we got the rest of the day without him.

    he wasnt too happy the next day. the mechanic told himm what it was... and he kinda knew who did it.
  3. MadBrad

    MadBrad BYO Plastic cutlery

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    Pickering, Ontario
    One time, some used car lot sold me an Escort.
  4. pos_clunker

    pos_clunker Guest

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    HAHAHA! That's f***ing hilarious. I knew a sucker was born every minute!
  5. zx24me

    zx24me Guest

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    I used to store my race car (65 Pontiac Lemans"GTO" Street Stock)
    at Dennis, cousin's house. He was junking out cars at the time and
    one day he got a car with a lot of bags of Quick Lime in the back.
    Well he couldn't send it to the shredders like that, so he off loaded
    it all into the trunk of my race car.
    I had routed my gas fill to the panel between the rear window and
    trunk lid so I didn't even look in the trunk before I loaded up and
    headed to the track.
    During hot laps I noticed that there was a white dust floating in the
    car and I was getting an irratation in my eyes and throat. Then the
    officials red flagged the sesson and paid me a visit. Seems the other
    drivers were complaining.
    When they saw the crap in my trunk they told me to get the car out
    of the raceway and get rid of that $#!t! Seeing as it was the Shawnee
    County Fairgrounds in the middle of Topeka on a Friday night, I was in
    the points race (so was Dennis. Hmmmmm?) I didn't load the car on the
    trailer and tie it down:
    I just drove it out the back gate, and 12 or so blocks to a car wash!
    I got all I could into a dumpster and then hosed the trunk clean. Took
    about a half hour to get it nice and clean.
    Then I drove back to the track (On major streets like 17th to Topeka
    [a 4 lane and State Highway] and 21st) and got back in time to see the
    second and last Street Stock heat get the green flag! GRRRRRRRRR.

    The gateman opened the gate after they passed and I roared across
    the track, put on my helmet and took off in pursuit, one lap and
    a half down, but I had to try.
    I got the black flag on the 1st time by. CrapOnaStick!!!!

    They inspected my car, approved it to run the Consolation race, and
    I won that from the back (10 car Dog And Pony show) and started at
    the back of the Feature.
    But I lost a lot of points by missing that heat and ended up losing the
    Street Stock track championship by LESS than the points I KNEW I could
    have made in that heat.

    How do you pay back family for crap like that?
  6. zx24me

    zx24me Guest

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    Double Post Double Post

    Double Post Double Post
  7. win0857

    win0857 FEOA Member

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    Holly crap,It happened to you twice!!LOL

  8. joshuh

    joshuh Guest

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    One time, at our cross country party my senior year, some of the younger idiots messed with some cars.. they threw a bag of garbage in my backseat and coated my buddy's door handles and windshield wipers with toothpaste. I was upset, but he was PISSED! He didn't know about the wipers til the next day when he had to drive in the rain, hit the wipers and wouldn't you know? Toothpaste smeared all over the windshield!
  9. zx24me

    zx24me Guest

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    Big gobs of Vasoline work better on door handles and wipers.
    Especially if you turn the wipers on Full Speed before they start the car.
    Those are OLD wedding tricks.

    I told you about Dennis' little stunt on me.
    Here was how I responded.

    I was working as an Assistant Driver (MULE!) for a bread company, riding
    the route to Fort Riley.
    I had some friends in the mess halls up there, (special order stuff and
    'extras' of high useage stuff makes friends out of cooks), and 'aquired' two
    electrically fired Smoke Pots.
    These are about the size of a diesel oil filter and dark green.
    So I snuck them into his trunk on the race car and hid them down in the
    rear corners.
    Now Dennis was a lazy dog. Instead of stripping all the wires out of
    his race cars he just stripped all the fuses out and left the wires in. So it
    was no problem to hook them up to the brake light wires.
    Friday night at the race track I just leaned in the car and stuck a fuse in
    the brakelight circuit.
    He goes out for Hot Laps and hits the brakes in the 1st turn. I thought
    I had screwed up until I saw a wisp of smoke as he entered Turn 3.
    It just kept getting heavier and heavier and soon a thick layer of
    white chemical smoke layered the race track up to the top of the
    10 foot cinder block walls!
    And Dennis IGNORED the black flag, (Until the flagman hit the red lights
    and abandoned his perch!) and they had to pull a fire truck onto the track
    with lights and sirens going before he stopped.
    The firemen sprayed CO2 extinguishers, water from their hoses and
    even Foamed the trunk of the car, but the smoke kept rolling.
    They postponed the races until the smoke blew off, but it was a
    calm night and it just hung there.
    Finally they called the Police Helicopter in, and he sort of herded the smoke form
    one end of the front straight to the other, blowing a lot of smoke up into
    the Grand Stands.
    Now this smoke is thick, persistant and totally non-toxic, but the
    people in the grand stands all moved out into the parking lot. I went with
    them seeing as I moved to the grand stands before Hot Laps.
    (I'm crazy, not stupid!)
    They cancelled Street Stock races until the next week to meet the
    curfew of 10 PM and got the races started 2 hours late.
    It was one of those situations where everyone knew who did what to
    whom, and no one from officialdom ever came over and gave me a
    "Officil @ss Chewing" for it, but I did get a lot of handshakes and
    high-fives at the short track Sunday night.
    I took my car home that night, chained and locked the car to the
    trailer, the trailer to the tow rig and the trailer to a BF-Oak Tree. Then
    I chained my German Shepard to the trailer. And I stayed up all night
    watching TV and looking out the window often. He STILL managed to
    spray paint Mother F**ker on the deck lid!
    Dennis didn't talk to me all the rest of that Season, but he did tell me I
    was "Number One" with a finger every time he saw me.
    He got over it when he won the track championship AND Most Improved
    Driver at both tracks. And when he got the 'new' Misketto Control Award,
    it took all the bad away.
  10. TheRedRocket

    TheRedRocket New Member

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    Winnipeg, MB, Canada
    I got a couple of good ones.

    My dad use to work at a Ford dealership a while back. Well him and some of the guys there sometimes would rewire one of the guys brakes so that everytime he stepped on the brakes, the horn would blow lol. It was hilarious, when the guy would stop at a red light, he'd be honkin' at the guy in front of him. And he didn't want to let off the brakes or he'd shoot forward into the back of the persons car. Haha, so the guy used his e-brake to slow down lol.

    Also, my dad and the guys would sometimes fill a balloon partially with acetylene gas and attach it to one of the spark plaugs on a guys car. Ha, then when the guy went to turn on his car, the balloon would explode with a really loud BOOM, and freak the guy out. That little gag got stopped though as one day, someone filled the balloon WAY to much, and when the guy turned on his car, it blew a massive dent into the guys hood.
  11. zx24me

    zx24me Guest

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    I used to screw with people by letting half the air out of their tires
    and then refilling them with water.
    You'd take off and the car would lurch slowly forward until
    you got the water centrafuged out to the tread area.
    Then when you stepped on the brake it would "flywheel" and try to
    keep turning until it fell down and made the tires lurch-lurch-lurch
    to a stop.
    Talk about smoking clutches and brakes!
    I saved that for the real anal passages in my life.

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