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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, ok. I've been resisting, but the time has come. I see some of you young fellas struggling with relationships and trying to figure out the whole girl thing. It pains me to watch these struggles unfold. As a man well past my prime, I think it's in the FEOA spirit of community-ism that I share some of my wisdom with you. I call it wisdom, but you can call it whatever you want. Here are ten (plus a bonus) quick rules/guidelines as they pertain to long-term relationships with women, in no particular order. Slapyo - please don't ban me outright.

1. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it's a duck. In your drunkeness, don't be fooled by a girl that looks just a little too athletic. It's a man or he-she and you're gonna regret it if you take that chance. Eeeew.
2. Look at her mother. If her mother is fat, she's gonna end up fat too. Probably before she hits thirty. If her mom is hot, even after having kids, sign her to a long term deal.
3. Check out the ankles. If them's big ankles, them's made for bearing weight. Lots of weight. Stay away from chicks with big ankles. Unless you like your women to be heavy. I like 'em light.
4. Breasts are nice, but over-rated. Check out the caboose instead. If you like the caboose, be happy. When she's pregnant, the titty-fairy will come and you can cherish those months. Plus, you can now buy whatever bust you want.
5. You must be able to have conversation with your woman. This may be the most important thing. If you have to slow down your speech just so that she can understand you, throw her back and get your line back in the water.
6. "You can marry a pretty girl or you can marry a rich girl. Marry the rich girl - they all end up fat and ugly in the end." Words to me from a wise man (and it wasn't my father).
7. Find a girl that lets you be you. If you have to put on a cape and a mask to please her when she's around, it's gonna fail. If she lets you fart at the dinner table, marry her.
8. Don't date a chick just 'cos you hope to get her and her best friend/sister in the sack together. It's an interesting thought, but it's not a good long term strategy. Women build nests. Nests only have room for one man and one woman.
9. Women looking for a long-term relationship do not care about your car or your money or your phallis. She's looking to see if you'll be a good father to her children. If you're just needing a "thing", then sure, stuff the sock down your pants and borrow your uncle's BMW. If you're looking for a wife, remember that she's looking for a father.
10. Long-distance relationships don't work. Period.
11. The bonus - when in a relationship, still find time to do your guy things and let her do her girly things. If you stop doing the things you enjoy, you'll end up resenting her for it.

Now go forth and find a wife. Happy hunting.
 

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Heres my best advice:

1) be your own person, do what you want.
2) dont EVER get boring.. ie: take your female out all the time, do things, go places, the main thing that breaks up relations is boredome..trust me.
3) dont be anal about hanging out with other chicks, or leting your female hang out with other dudes... if your in a relationship, and you TRUST them, let em do what they want.
4)THE SECOND THE SEX STOPS GET OUT. THIS MEANS SHES LOOKING SOMEWHERE ELSE, OR GETTING IT SOMEWHERE ELSE.. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE GUYS.. I KNOW, AND I KONW FROM OTHERS RELATIONS.
5)dont be a pussy.
6)dont seam too needy.
7)when meeting new chicks... act like they dont matter to you. act like there is a hotter chick waiting for you somewhere else. make them beg you. reverse rolls on them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Some good stuff there, but ahhh grasshopper, you still have much to learn.

When you can catch a fly with chopsticks, then you'll be ready for the challenge.

Kung-fu lives.
 

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I'll contest against that #10 of yours, highanddry, but that's from personal experience and others whom I know have done this successfully.
 

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w things... 1) ifyou have had a sucessful long-distance relation, then congrats to you... but 99.988234123123% dont work.

2)as for the toilet seat.. F that dude. make her put that sh^t up for YOU. if she can open a door, shes perfectly capable of doing it herself. its not hard to put that crap down dude.
 

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i didnt say you had to, I just said it was the easiest way to keep her happy, and is she's happy, your happy :lol: :wink:
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I can't start a fight over my God Bless America thread, but I did with this one? Why DO women tolerate us?

My hat's off to Juggernaut 1) for his avatar, as always and 2) for making the long distance thing work. I know of one case where the couple is still together, but the stress and strain is enormous.

As for the toilet seat, I hate to do it, but I'll side with Josh. It's not about being tough and laying down rules. Ever sat down to take a dump and fallen through because some wise-a$$ left the seat up? It hurts and it's embarassing. Your woman doesn't deserve that. If she's fat enough that she doesn't fall through, your woman's too big. So yeah, as a test, it's okay to try. Just don't make a habit of it.

The seat down modus operandi can come in really handy. If your woman is cheating on you, leave the seat down as if you're being polite, but just piss all over it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I can't start a fight over my God Bless America thread, but I did with this one? Why DO women tolerate us?

My hat's off to Juggernaut 1) for his avatar, as always and 2) for making the long distance thing work. I know of one case where the couple is still together, but the stress and strain is enormous.

As for the toilet seat, I hate to do it, but I'll side with Josh. It's not about being tough and laying down rules. Ever sat down to take a dump and fallen through because some wise-a$$ left the seat up? It hurts and it's embarassing. Your woman doesn't deserve that. If she's fat enough that she doesn't fall through, your woman's too big. So yeah, as a test, it's okay to try. Just don't make a habit of it.

The seat down modus operandi can come in really handy. If your woman is cheating on you, leave the seat down as if you're being polite, but just piss all over it.
 

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Well, as for the toilet seat rule, if you have to put the toilet seat to go to the washroom, she should be able to put it down. Personally, I always put it down anyways, but that's the thought that I've always had. As for long distance relationships, it's hard, but I do think that people can do it. All the power to them, it makes for great sex when you do get to see each other again! LOL! As for when the sex thing stops, I agree, get out right away, there is no way that a girl should wanna stop after it's happened a lot, it's not something that you just get bad at - and well from all the girls I've ever talked to (after having this happen also) most girls want it just as much if not more than us, they just like using it against us when we do something wrong!!!
 

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i usualy check before puting something as sacred as my @ss on the cold throne.

if you are in a long distance deal and your 100% faithful, how do you konw shes not doing it? you would never konw...ever. think about that.

no one is ever "yours" when your in a relationship. ppl are ppl. words are just words. trust is also.. just a word.you can do whatever you want to and the other person would never kow.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
What the fug is a marclar anyway? I asked before but got no response.

I'm worried. I wrote this thread to make people laugh. There are bits of truth/wisdom in there but I really wrote it to make people realize how stupid and superficial men are about grading woman. I purposely used "your woman" on several occasions because it's such an outdated and ludicrous phrase.

Women are so much more humane than men are. I really don't know why they tolerate us. If I were a woman, I'd choose lesbianism in a heartbeat (this statement also is not to be taken seriously).

Let's abandon this worthless thread and go hit Long Thread hard.
 

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Juggernaut said:
I'll contest against that #10 of yours, highanddry, but that's from personal experience and others whom I know have done this successfully.
I agree with Juggernaut but I do think it comes with age. I had LD relationships in college that blew apart quickly. Yet after 10+ years in a relationship it doesn't bother me at all when we spend time apart. Not that we don't miss each other and try to chat or email every day, but there is no "OMG why is he/she not answering the phone, they must be out fooling around".

So I'd have to say that for the most part, they won't work if you are young but when you get some maturity and feel secure about yourself and life in general, it will work out.

Highanddry, some of those had me ROTFL :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Uh oh. Now we're all in trouble. A woman has joined this thread.

She proves my point. Her humanity precludes her from coming on here and telling us how completely wrong we are about understanding women.

Ultimately one day, the human race will die off because women will finally acquiesce and ackowledge that they don't actually need men. Why do you think our forefathers never wanted to let women vote or drive or leave the kitchen? They were smart enough to know that if we unchained women, it would signal the end to the easy life we've enjoyed for so long.
 

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highanddry said:
Uh oh. Now we're all in trouble. A woman has joined this thread.

She proves my point. Her humanity precludes her from coming on here and telling us how completely wrong we are about understanding women.
Actually I did think some points were pretty silly, but hey, they're your opinions and if they work for you....... ;)
 

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for marklar.....about the toliet seat...you are living in a damn dream world if you think that some chick is going ot put that up for you. im gald that my husband isnt an asshole and says that stuff about me, he has that cortsey to put the seat down. if you think that your women will go lift it for you WAKE UP YOUR TRIPPN.
 
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